MY WIFE’S NEW NAME IS: “THE REGULATOR” !!

BUT REGULATOR IS THE NAME OF A VERY ACCURATE CLOCK!

Yes, you are right. A  REGULATOR clock, being very accurate over long periods of time, was employed by many industries as their Master Clock. The Master Clock is the clock to which all other clocks are periodically set to make sure that all clocks in use in a particular locale read the same time. That is, “noon” is “noon” everywhere within the locale of the Master Clock. The Master Clock, by definition, has no error within its locale. It is obvious if the Master Clock is wrong, all the clocks within the locale are wrong; hence the name REGULATOR.

Wait a minute! What is the connection between your Wife’s new name and this windy exposition about “Master Clocks”?

This “windy exposition”, as you put it, has as its purpose the attachment of the precise definition I intend for the word “regulator” in my naming of my Wife as “THE REGULATOR”. You see, I want to be precise in this –

Stop it! Stop being so–, so–, well, so windy!

I’m a retired Engineer and my experience in that capacity has led to my need to be —-

AAARRGH! Give me a BREAK! Why don’t you try for the the short version? There IS a short version, isn’t there?

Yes! Certainly there is. Will it satisfy you if I attempt to reduce the word count in my exposition to about —-

(Sigh)! I don’t believe this!

Sorry! I will certainly try to comply with your desire for me to —-

I GIVE UP! Just get on with the story.

OK! I’ll try. —— Periodically my Wife is away from our home several days to visit her Sister or friends of hers that live some distance away. During these times I am left to fend for myself and I soon descend into a living routine that is correctly described as lazy and very tolerant of the residue of my sloth-like habits that may be evidenced. My eating and sleeping habits are best characterized by the terms “grazing” and “too much”. My grooming is “occasional”, determined mainly by my tolerance of noxious odors. In summary, my life almost falls apart. I begin to feel the effects of this soon enough, but this goes on until I realize my wife is coming home tomorrow! Near panic followed by a manic manifestation of my housekeeping skills ensues. Laundry? Check!, Dirty dishes washed? Check!, Floors mopped? Check!, Clean out Frig.? Check!, Make bed? Check!. Fresh coffee made? Yes!. Finally, I sit down and relax. Time to reflect on my “home alone” experience. Why do I “fall apart” so quickly?

I believe the essential ingredient missing from my “home alone” lifestyle is the personal discipline that is otherwise required to keep up a relationship as intimate as a sixty year marriage. It vanishes when her truck turns the corner. It is clear to me that my wife brings to our relationship the greater part of the substantial  discipline we have demonstrated when we are together. However, what I lack in personal discipline I make up in my determination, of long standing, to not disappoint my Wife through tepid support of her vision of our relationship. However, when my wife is absent from our home, I revert to my natural state described above. I need her presence to keep our lives in “sync.”; I need a “Master Clock” in my life. That is why I call my Wife “THE REGULATOR”.

That’s it?

That’s the story.