Sunday last, I went with my son John on a visit to the train museum (Orange Empire Railroad Museum) where I do my volunteer work. John said he had not been there in about ten years and I replied that he was in for a big surprise as many improvements had been made in those ten years. He was duly impressed by the paved streets and parking lot. Our new library building and the Fred Harvey museum it contains was visited. We met an old friend and his wife as they were finishing up with tea served by members of the museum’s Harvey Girls Society. The waitresses were all dressed in Harvey Girl costumes. We then went over to the waiting steam locomotive and I made arrangements for my guests to have a cab ride down the line to Perris and back. They seemed to enjoy the experience. We then went on a tour of the equipment sheds and we left after that.
The day at the museum was a successful day for me as I was able to distract myself and I drove my car both ways to the museum, seventy miles each way. Monday I went to see my psychologist and we discussed the visit to the museum and other matters. Tuesday, wednesday, and thursday were bad days for me as I was afflicted with daytime sleepiness and I did not even dress those days. I do not know what happened to me, but I was sure “down” for that period. Friday was better as I at least got dressed and went out for dinner. Today, Saturday, is going about like yesterday – so, so, at best. I will go out for dinner again – I do want to eat another frozen dinner tonight.
Just got back from dinner. I had a steak and arugula sandwich and it sure hit the spot. I sat at a table next to an elderly couple and I overheard the man tell the waitress they had been married for fifty five years. That set me to thinking and wondering if they had thought about how the survivor would react if one died? That in turn begged the following question: Who would have the worst of the situation, the one who died or the survivor? I know from experience, that being the survivor in no walk in the park; it is hard work to keep your head above water. On the other hand, the one who died looses all opportunity to live and all that being alive means. It is a question without an answer, at least for me. The couple I sat next to in the restaurant will be parted by death in a few years and the survivor will experience what I am experiencing now – it is inevitable. In a way, I feel great sorrow at the inevitability of it, and at the same time I feel somewhat envious of them for their opportunity to make the most of their marriage in the time they have left. I sincerely hope they realize the opportunity they have and act accordingly. I know Patty and I did come to that realization some years ago and we did try to make the best of the time remaining. I am comfortable with the belief that we tried our best.